Harry Potter and the Philosopher' Facebook Account
by Minister for Magic
Summary: This is basically the first Harry Potter book in Facebook form. Hopefully you'll get a few laughs out of it. I don't know how funny it'll be for readers, so please review!


**It's Dudley Dursley's birthday. Say "happy birthday"!**

**Harry Potter **Another year of pounding awaits me. Oh joy.

**Dudley Dursley, Piers Polkiss and three other people likes this.**

**...**

**Petunia Dursley, Dudley Dursley** Happy birthday Diddykins!

**Vernon Dursley likes this. **

**Vernon Dursley **Now if you would just get out of bed son, we have your presents downstairs.

**Dudley Dursley and Petunia Dursley like this. **

**Dudley Dursley **How many are there?

**Vernon Dursley **Thirtysix, I counted 'em myself!

**Petunia Dursley **Well done, honey.

**Dudley Dursley** ( Waaaaaahaaaaaaaa waaaaahaaaaa!

**Piers Polkiss **Were you just crying, Dud?

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Dudley Dursley **No...

**Vernon Dursley **Little tyke!

**Dudley Dursley **Dad?

**Vernon Dursley **Yes, Diddy?

**Dudley Dursley **I can't get up.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Petunia Dursley, Vernon Dursley **Mrs Figg is sick, so she cannot take the boy. cough**HARRY POTTER**cough.

**Arabella Figg likes this. **

**Harry Potter **That's very discreet.

**...**

**Harry Potter **I set a boa constrictor on **Dudley Dursley **today.

**Dudley Dursley **DISLIKE!

**Vernon Dursley **So it was you boy! No meals for a week!

**Dudley Dursley **More for me! D

**Dudley Dursley likes this. **

**Harry Potter **Liking your own comment, Duds. That's lame.

**Dudley Dursley **You're lame.

**Petunia Dursley likes this. **

**...**

**Vernon Dursley **OWLS! RUDDY OWLS!

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Harry Potter **Let me read the letters and they'll stop.

Harry Potter likes this.

**Dudley Dursley **Now whose liking their own comments?

**Dudley Dursley likes this. **

**Harry Potter **That would be you.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**...**

**Harry Potter is now friends with Rubeus Hagrid. **

**...**

**Rubeus Hagrid, Dudley Dursley **I haven't seen you since you was a baby Harry, but you're a bit more along that I would've expected, practically round the middle.

**Dudley Dursley **I'm not **Harry Potter.**

**Harry Potter **I am.

**Rubeus Hagrid **Well of course you are! I see your profile picture! You've got your mother's eyes!

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Harry Potter **I do?

**Rubeus Hagrid **And other than that, you're a spitting image of your dad!

**James Potter likes this. **

**Rubeus Hagrid **James...?

**Harry Potter **Dad?

**James Potter** ...

...

**Vernon Dursley, Rubeus Hagrid **The boy will not be going to that Wizarding school to learn about stupid magic by a stupid old crackhead!

**Dudley Dursley **Which boy? **Harry Potter**?

**Vernon Dursley **Yes, Diddy.

**Harry Potter **Very subtle.

**Rubeus Hagrid likes this. **

**Rubeus Hagrid **Which crackhead? **Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore**?

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **Excuse me?

**Harry Potter, Rubeus Hagrid and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore like this. **

**...**

**Doris Crockford **I met **Harry Potter **today in the **Leaky Cauldron**

**Harry Potter, Rubeus Hagrid and 11 other people like this. **

**...**

**Harry Potter **likes **The Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley **and three other pages.

**...**

**Harry Potter **I can't wait to get to **Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry **via **Platform Nine and Three Quarters. **

**Rubeus Hagrid likes this. **

**Vernon Dursley **Good like getting there. Platform 9 and Platform 10, so yours should be somewhere in the middle?

**Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley and one other person like this. **

**Dudley Dursley **Good one, Dad!

**Vernon Dursley likes this. **

**Harry Potter **Dud, please stop Poking me.

**Dudley Dursley **I never get a chance to poke you with my Smeltings stick if you're locked up in your room all day. POKE POKE POKE xD

**...**

**Harry Potter is now friends with Ronald Weasley, Molly Weasley and five other people. **

**...**

**Harry Potter **I met some awesome people at Kings Cross today.

**Ronald Weasley and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore likes this. **

**Vernon Dursley **So you made it? Oh bugger.

**Petunia Dursley likes this.**

**...**

**Harry Potter is now friends with Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. **

**...**

**Ronald Weasley **Who loses a toad on a train?

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Neville Longbottom **Me...

**...**

**Harry Potter **I really hope I'm not in Slytherin like **Draco Malfoy. **

**Draco Malfoy **I wrote you off as a Mudblood-lover the moment I saw you.

**Ronald Weasley **No you didn't! You wanted to be friends. Suck it, Malfoy.

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**...**

**Harry Potter **I'M IN GRYFFINDOR! Along with **Ronald Weasley, Sheamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil **and three other people.

**Ronald Weasley, Sheamus Finnigan and four other people like this. **

**Hermione Granger **What about me?

**Ronald Weasley **D: Kill me now. D:

**Harry Potter likes this. **

**Hermione Granger **How rude.

**Proud-To-Be-Hermione's-Parents likes this. **

**...**

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore **A new year at Hogwarts has begun. The Sorting Hat needs cleaning.

**Minerva McGonnagal, Pomona Sprout, Filius Flitwick and eleven other people like this. **

**The Sorting Hat **Your face needs cleaning, Dumbly.

**Argus Filch likes this. **

**...**

**Harry Potter **sent a private message to **Percy Weasley. **

**Harry Potter **Whose that teacher talking to Professor Quirrel?

**Percy Weasley **Oh, that's Professor Snape; Head of Slytherin House.

**Harry Potter **What's he teach?

**Percy Weasley **Potions. But everyone knows it's the Dark Arts he fancies. He's been after Quirrel's job for years.

**... **

**Harry Potter in now friends with Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington and three other ghosts. **

**...**

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore installed Facebook for Blackberry. **

**...**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I Hope You Guys Enjoyed This! Let's Say... Ten Reviews For Chapter Two? But Please Don't Just Review Ten Times... Recommend To Friends If You Like This :D

**Minister for Magic likes this. **


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